Tips For Dealing With Psychopaths and Narcissists

By David Mc Dermott 

Many people, who are leaving or have left a cult, often have contradictory feelings. The same thing happens in the breakup with a psychopath or narcissist.

The individual may feel love for the manipulator and, at the same time, hate them for the abusive behavior. There may be concern for the ex partner as well as anger. Speaking out about the controlling behavior may provide relief while also causing guilt because of a sense of betraying the manipulator. Grief and a sense of freedom, rage and affection, disgust and sexual excitement are some other combinations but there are many more.

As the person learns more about mind control, there are often differences between thoughts and feelings, too. The victim feels compassion for the manipulator but knows consciously that this person was taking advantage of them. They feel that the person was helping them, but is aware that the psychopath was only interested in taking their money. They feel the manipulator is basically a good person, but realize that the level of name-calling and criticism puts it in the category of psychological abuse. The victim may feel like the manipulator loves them even though the manipulator has disappeared and left them homeless and broke.

The disconnect between thoughts and feelings can be very disconcerting and disturbing and often causes a lot of stress. People sometimes feel like they are literally going mad.

The best way to make sense of these contradictions is by using the model of the pseudopersonality. Remember the pseudopersonality is imposed by the psychopaths and narcissists on their victims and is programmed to believe the manipulator, to take care of the manipulator, to put the wants and needs of the manipulator first and it is also very dependent on the manipulator. This pseudopersonality never completely destroys the real personality; rather the real personality is repressed most of the time by the pseudopersonality.

While in the cult or the abusive relationship, the pseudopersonality dominates most of the time. When the real personality comes to the surface, so to speak, this is when the conflicts become more prominent. The pseudopersonality is programmed in one way, the real personality thinks and acts in another way.

The contradictory feelings occur because the real personality is experiencing one thing while the pseudopersonality is programmed to feel something else.

The real personality has a desire to leave but the pseudopersonality is programmed to stay and feels a lot of fear when even thinking of leaving. The real personality wants to take a particular job but the pseudopersonality is programmed to do the work of the cult. The real personality believes that the way the leader is acting is unacceptable, but the pseudopersonality is programmed to accept severe punishments for minor things.

This model is a good way of explaining why a person would have such contradictions and as the person works to rid themselves of this pseudopersonality, the contradictory feelings also disappear. Similarly, with the contradictory thoughts and feelings. As the pseudopersonality disappears, the profound preprogramed feelings disappear, too, and the person is finally in a position where their thoughts and feeling match up again.

The pseudopersonality is put in place with very strong influence techniques and is often maintained with equally strong techniques over many months and even years. It quickly becomes the default position for cult members and victims in intimate relationships and they learn to live like this with frequent reinforcement from the manipulators. This means that when the person leaves the mind control environment the pseudopersonality does not disappear on it’s own. Aspects of it may get weaker with time, but unless the individual works to rid himself or herself of this set of beliefs, ideas, feelings and behaviors, the pseudopersonality persists for many years, continuing to cause problems of one sort or another.

Often these problems start after the person has left the mind control environment so that they do not associate the problems with the group or the psychopath or narcissist, especially if the person does not realize the group is a cult or that their spouse was a psychopath or narcissist. (This may reinforce the belief that the victim has that there is something wrong with them, a belief that was installed in the cult or by the manipulative spouse, further compounding their problems.)

Once a person starts into a recovery process where they get to understand the concept of the pseudopersonality and when it is dominant and when not, it helps relieve some of the tension caused by the contradictory feelings and thoughts, because the person has a ’cause’ for them. The recovering victim also realizes that these contradictions are temporary and that they will end.

So having these contradictory feelings are a normal part of being in mind control environments. They especially occur in the recovery process when the person is becoming aware of the reality that they were living in that was based on lies and deception, and what the ‘truth’ of the matter really is.

2 thoughts on “Tips For Dealing With Psychopaths and Narcissists

  1. RE “psychopaths”

    By FAR the most vital urgent and DEEP understanding everyone needs to gain is that a mafia network of manipulating PSYCHOPATHS are governing big businesses (eg official medicine), nations and the world — the evidence is OVERWHELMING and TOTALLY IRREFUTABLE (see “The 2 Married Pink Elephants In The Historical Room”…

    WHEN, if ever, will David (and nearly everyone else) decide to wake up to the ULTIMATE DEPTH of the rabbit hole (rather than remain blissfully ignorant and play victim)?

    And psychopaths are typically NOT how Hollywood propaganda movies have showcased them. And therefore one better RE-learns what a psychopath REALLY is (see cited source above).

    But rulership by psychopaths is only ONE part of the equation that makes up the destructive human condition as the article explains (see cited source above).

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