Jennifer Aug 28
“He left me for another woman!”, my friend wept and I couldn’t console her whatsoever.
Everything was perfect between Grace and Mark. Three years of a solid, loving relationship. Finally, he had offered to live together and share their destiny. Grace agrees happily, but in a week Mark announced he loved another woman and their relationship had to end.
Do you need him?
This was the question I started with, after I had comforted her. “Yes”, was her firm response.
“Then leave him alone,” I said looking straight in the eye. “How? I must get him back!”, Grace didn’t get herself together.
“Don’t! If it is yours, it will remain yours. He will likely come back”.
Why was I so confident that Mark would come back to Grace? Simply because he continued sending her sweet messages, wishing her good night, asking for advice in their daily chats.
Why did he leave her?
From what Grace told me, I realised Mark felt suffocated in their relationship.
Grace is a successful 30 year old woman. She runs a lot of projects, works in politics… To add to this, she is pretty and has a friendly demeanour.
However, she’s got a serious downside — she wants to control Mark.
She wants to know who he is going to a pub with tonight, who he met with outside and what they were talking about. Grace thinks, if she’s fully informed about Mark’s life, nothing threatens their relationships.
But you see, he has left her! This means that something in Grace’s theory went wrong.
When Grace wiped off her tiers, I asked if she was ready to follow every piece of my advice without breaking the rules I’d stablished. If positive, I was ready to help her. In case of a no — I wouldn’t even bother.
I warned my friend that it wouldn’t be easy, she might have relapses which she should try to avoid. After getting her approval I sent my list of rules.
Here they are. You can follow them too if you are in a similar situation:
Week one: stop any interaction with him.
DON’T respond to his texts, emails or calls.
One of the most common mistakes women make is trying to be overly attentive and making herself noticeable by finding any excuse to call or send a message. A man can easily see it and it pushes him away.
DON’T show up in the same company where he likes to be, in the fitness club he usually goes, etc. He doesn’t either need your suicidal-like looks and red eyes. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Week two: you can answer to calls or messages from the man in a way “everything is fine, anything important?”
I have to mention something here: Grace and Mark run a business together. Not communicating at all is kind of difficult. Therefore during the week two I allowed Grace to answer Mark about their work.
Already by the second week Mark’s messages and calls became sweeter and weren’t only about work.
Hang on! Answering to anything about relationships was strictly forbidden. If Mark persisted, there was the only phrase for him: “Mark, our relationship is over. Let’s not discuss personal stuff. You have your life, I have mine”.
Week three: do something for yourself.
The best revenge is just moving on and getting over it,— unknown author.
You most likely understand by now that this week Grace had to dive deep into her own life back. Go on holiday, spend time with friends, parachute jump — whatever. Definitely report your activities on social media.
Throughout this week Mark started getting nervous. He had freedom, but something has gone wrong with his new relationship. He tried to get together with Grace again.
He called her to meet up. “No way!”, said I categorically. Grace listened and refused him, no matter how difficult it was for her.
Very important! Get closer to your man only when there’s a real comeback on the horizon. In the case of Grace, it would be Mark’s words “I love you and want to us to live together again”.
During the week four there was a relapse.
Mark managed to persuade her to meet up. They met and he kissed her. She called me very excited “We’ve won!”, but I cooled her down. “Is the kiss a comeback? Did he call you back? Did he discuss your future?”, these were my questions for Grace.
“But he wanted to have sex with me!”, she exclaimed.
Another mistake that women make in such situations is agreeing to men’s needs because of the fear of loneliness or being left behind in case you don’t agree.