Fear, Identity Confusion, And Role Reversals Affect Dating and Marriage

How Fear, Identity Confusion, And Role Reversals Affect Dating and Marriage Part 2

May 11, 2021 by Petrina / impactingrighteously.com

In continuation, some men and women have to a degree, lost their sense of identity and the understanding of their roles. Of course, not all men and all women are in this sad state of confusion. However, some don’t seem to really know who they are, or how to conduct themselves anymore. In fact, many of these people are the same ones who insist that there is basically no gender distinction.

I’m not wrongfully criticizing or disrespecting people who are confused. I am pointing out these issues, because unpopular truth needs to be told. These issues are relevant to the predicament of societal dysfunction, undesired singleness for so many women, and the predicament of fear and refusal to pursue for some men.

Some women are becoming more masculine, and a lot of men are becoming more feminine. This is interfering in the dating and marriage process.

Just because a man is confused, it doesn’t mean he’s less of a man. Confused women are no less of a woman. However, the confusion is leading to a malfunctioning society that is performing at best, subpar to God’s will. Some men want the easy way out. I am aware that there are complaints and possible envy and resentment from some men, because of the dynamics that God has put in place concerning male pursuit and female response.

I say this based on some of the things that some men are saying. There are YouTube videos and various platforms that are encouraging men to basically treat women as prostitutes. Only pay for dinner or buy anything for her if she gives you her body. It is contradictory to the fact that a man or a male animal is supposed to pursue and work for the woman or female animal. We can look into nature and see how the male pursues the female. This has been observed and documented countless times. This is God’s way, and God’s way is the right way. When it comes to Christians, ideally, the man will pursue, win over the woman, and continue to love and pursue her in marriage. She should also respond to him in love.

Gender equality does not cancel gender distinction.

• Yet, some men have been trying to flip the script. These think they should kick back and women should initiate pursuit, woo, and win them.

• I have heard things like, “In this time of equity why do I have to treat her this way or that way?” Their questions were regarding rightful traditional roles and behaviors.

• Other men have sadly lost their courage to pursue, or simply never had it.

• There are some shy men, and there are also women who may unfortunately seem unapproachable.

• Some men are comfortable not pursuing women as much, because they are involved in pornography, or have “friends” with benefits, and that is easier than having a relationship, which takes work.

• It is common for lots of men to play the field, and some women have resorted to the same.

• Plenty girls and women are desperate and in a frenzy trying to force relationships to happen.

On the flip side, some are rightfully encouraging women not to depend so much on men.

There is a healthy perspective to that, in that women must understand that their value or worth is not determined, based on whether or not they have a man. God never intended women to make idols out of anyone or anything, including men, relationships, or marriage. It is not insulting to men to equip women with knowledge and understanding of their own worth, so that they do not settle for less with men. So why are some people offended when someone says women don’t need men? As always, context is key. It is possible the offended people are taking this out of context.

In many cases, the people who are telling women they don’t need men are likely focused on all of the hardships women go through in relationships, due to their own choosing of the wrong men. Their focus is likely on the continuing dysfunction in many relationships. Women indeed don’t need men who are going to bring unnecessary stress and pain in their lives. This is a no-brainer! I believe the point here is that women don’t need to rely on relationships with men in order to define themselves. Women do not need to rely on men in unhealthy ways.

The focus should be on encouraging women to become involved with healthy men for healthy reasons.

A woman should be in a healthy relationship with the right man, or she’s better off alone. It is good that some women are finally understanding this. If it hurts the ego or agenda of some because women are being told they don’t need men in an unhealthy way, the offended should look at the whole picture and examine themselves. There is no need to lack compassion or to focus on self-pity, when the focus should be on the painful plight of men and women who are, and have been suffering, due to unhealthy relationships.

For so long, girls and women have been obsessed with the idea of being loved by a man, infatuated with the idea of marriage and family. Many poor decisions have been made. Disillusionment is very common.There has been much heartache, loss of joy, loss of peace. There has been loss of life even, due to homicidal violence. There has been a breakdown of the family unit, and a consequent breakdown in society. There is nothing wrong with teaching women that they should not make an idol out of men, relationships or marriage, and that they shouldn’t make unwise and dangerous decisions. It is also important to recognize and acknowledge that for a woman to marry the right man is a blessing.

However, insinuating that all women don’t need men, regardless of the circumstances is simply not true.

Firstly, men have in the past and continue in the present to contribute so much overall in this world. Women indeed need men for their contributions. Scondly, I don’t believe that people are trying to downplay this just because they understand that historically, men and women have many problems in their relationships. I do not believe people are undermining men’s accomplishments that women benefit from. Both men and women have accomplished a lot. Both men and women benefit from each other in many ways.

Yet, relationships have been in both the past and present, a key problem area.

The point here is that men and women do not need each other in a way that contributes to more moral decline and further destruction of men, women, children, families, and society. It is about the woman becoming Mrs. Right, and becoming involved with the right man, no matter how long the wait for him. When it comes to romantic relationships and family, this is where so many struggle. Yet, many are performing well in the corporate world.

Regardless, success starts within the heart, then within the homes. Parents must raise boys and girls correctly to begin with. Indeed, God’s way is the only way that will work.

So, who is teaching girls and young women? Who is helping and encouraging young women to know and do better? Who is pointing men in the right direction to being the men God created them to be? Who is encouraging them to be men who are initiators, pursuers, providers, and protectors; not destroyers of women? God has raised up people who are doing this. I am grateful to see that.

It still seems very few men- even pastors and other professed Christian men, are publicly addressing these issues. There are things that need to be rebuked and addressed, and it is mainly up to men to address other men. There are so many lost boys and men who need mentors. The Lord takes the fatherless and puts them in families, including spiritual families. My prayer is that this will continue to happen for the many broken and lost men, boys, women, and girls out there.

As individuals, each person can play a role in contributing to positive change, helping and being a blessing to others. It could be something as simple, yet significant as prayer. It can be shining godly light by setting righteous examples and sharing the gospel when given the opportunity. It can be any type of beneficial service. It is my prayer that each man or woman of God steps into our calling, living in our purpose for the glory of God and the benefit of others.

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